I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
