I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
