Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
