Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
