We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
