I hate your face
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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