i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize