I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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