im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
