dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
this will be a night to untag.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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