so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
