I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
