is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
