you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
