How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
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