What did we do last night that was yellow?
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize