Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
