I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
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