I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
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