The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
