It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
a search helicopter?!
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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