just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
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