she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
