I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Say something about gay babies.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
