i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
We have started to decorate penises.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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