Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
found the other keg... it's in the tree
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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