So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
