Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
