just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
