john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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