My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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