I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
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