woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Randomize
