I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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