he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I think pants incapable of making pants work
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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