I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
