His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
