Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
