I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
