Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
