We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
