My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
