so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Please, let me fuck your mom
false alarm. still invincible.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Randomize
