we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
