this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
We had sex on a dog bed..
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
