As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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