She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
