they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
