so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
