I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
