need another drink. this is the easiest way
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
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