hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
where are you?
Hypothermia
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
