Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
