State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
