um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
he was CRYING into my vagina
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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