there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Randomize
