watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I'm both gender and math confused
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
