Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
