I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
