I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
