Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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