we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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