the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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