you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
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