Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
