Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
