Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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