I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
