I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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