i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
