turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
