Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
