Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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