i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
