Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Randomize
